Valentine's Day! Fun, I'd like a seat upfront, please!

"Valentine's Day"...A love story. More or less.

Lots of famous people? Check. Super cool pop music? You know it. A story about the pressures of Valentine's Day that exists only in movie and tv? Hells yeah. Forced interracial sodomy? Possibly. The final film appearance for Burt Lancaster, 15 years after his death? Maybe. Cameos from the surviving members of the 1969 American League Western Division Champion Minnesota Twins? You didn't hear from us.

Yes, it's "Valentine's Day," the new film from Academy Award viewing director Garry Marshall. A movie so whimsically banal, you'd swear Kevin Connolly was featured.

If you loved "He's Just Not That Into You," like seriously, not joking, found yourself enjoying that movie, then you'll go crazy for "Valentine's Day." It's the story of famous people doing whacky things together (Oh my god! Julia Roberts and Bradley Cooper know each other!). Unlike other so-called "romantic comedies", you will find women giving profoundly insightful speeches about the trials and tribulations of finding love. Men will speculate about what women really want while doing manly things like moving furniture, watching the big game, and drinking beer. Kooky, wisecracking best friends will have will have bizarre theories about relationships. Hector Elizondo will show his legendary dong.

So, this Valentine's Day, why not make it "Valentine's Day." It's "Valentine's Day!" Starring:

Jessica Alba
Kathy Bates
Jessica Biel
Bradley Cooper
Eric Dane
Patrick Dempsey
Hector Elizondo
Jamie Foxx
Jennifer Garner
Topher Grace
Anne Hathaway
Carter Jenkins
Ashton Kutcher
Queen Latifah
Taylor Lautner
George Lopez
Shirley MacLaine
Emma Roberts
Julia Roberts
Taylor Swift

And featuring...
Susan Saint James
Craig Ferguson
Jon Cryer
Betty White
Marv Alberts
Andy Samberg
Calista Flockhart
Kevin Connolly (there he is!)
Maya Rudolph
January Jones
Bradley Whitford
Alison Janney
Rick Fox
Eva Amurri
Daryl "Chill" Mitchell
Mos Def
Tim McCarver
Leah Remini
Paula Pondstone
Steven Wright
Michelle Trachtenberg
Rosie O' Donnell
Julia Stiles
Rob Riggle
Donald Faison
Sandra Oh
Scott Caan
Randy Quaid
Philip Baker Hall
Maura Tierney
Marshall Faulk
Gilda Radner (RIP)
Richard Lewis
Dennis Wilson (RIP)
Fred Thompson
Vernon Maxwell
John Jaha
Brittany Murphy (RIP)
Tim Meadows
Robert Loggia
Angie Harmon
Tim Blake Nelson
Soleil Moon Frye
Henry Winkler
Charlton Heston (RIP)
Allen Covert
1997 Chicago Bulls Cheerleaders
Michael Doleac
Wayne Knight
French Stewart
John Lithgow
Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Jane Curtin
Tim Daly
Jerome Bettis
Bryce Dallas Howard
Rainn Wilson
Josh Radnor
Ellen Clegghorne
"Pistol" Pete Marovich (RIP)
Michael Keaton
Louis Anderson
Eliza Dushku
...and a very special appearance from Bob Costas

It's "Valentine's Day!" Opening February 12.