Personal Disclosure of the Day

Very few people know this about me, and it's still difficult to discuss, but I used to be hooked on Phonics. Eventually, my family found me in Dorchester at 3am, giving hand jobs in exchange for lessons on verb conjugation.

Happy Belated St. Patrick Duffy Day!

May your day and year be filled with the Luck O' the Duffy.

Catching Up With : Craig Kilborn

What do you think Craig Kilborn is doing right now? Quick. Don"t even think. Just answer.


I will give you a few seconds...


Okay, so what did you come up with? Reenacting his 4-5 scenes from "Old School" with neighborhood children? Spending 3 hours a day staring at himself in the mirror with a satisfied grin? Masturbating to a July 1994 episode of "SportsCenter?"


Well, if you guessed any of the above, you are wrong. Assholes. He is currently wintering in Puget Sound, Washington. So...yeah.

Smug Off : Costas vs. Michaels

The "BASEketballs" co-stars are headlining NBC's Winter Olympics coverage. But how do they fare in a head-to-head Smug Off? Well, get ready sports fans, for a couple steaming loads of smug:

Dyed:

Bob Costas - His hair. Color: Jet black

Al Michaels - His skin. Color: Orange leather

Famous Call:

Bob Costas - "Jordan. Open. Chicago with the lead!" Game 6, 1998 NBA Finals. Michael Jordan's 6th NBA Title, and the exact last moment Chicago sports were relevant for a positive reason. You don't count, other Adrian Peterson.

Al Michaels - "Do you believe in miracles? Yes!" Of course. As we all know this call came at the end of the 1996 U.S Olympic Women's Basketball team's 108-93 Quarterfinal's victory versus Japan.

Rants Against:

Bob Costas - Steroids, Facts and Truth (i.e. "Stats are for nerds, nerd boy."), NFL's Overtime

Policy, Modern athletes (minorities), The lack of Mickey Mantleness in today's games.

Al Michaels - Sports, Enjoyment of Sports, Non-Brett Favres

Sports Boner Source:

Bob Costas - Mickey Mantle. #7. The Mick. Mr. Purist can't seem to get enough of this alcoholic, wife cheatin', amphetamine poppin'e, country golden boy.

Al Michaels - Nothing. Flacid. Totally flacid. Orange, leathery, and flacid. Has not enjoyed a non-Brett Favre sporting event in 20 years. A last minute TD to win the Super Bowl? "Let's keep our voices down, cretins, Al Michaels is breaking out his signature classy restraint."

Greatest Pop Culture Appearance:

Bob Costas - "News Radio." Season 3. Episode 5. "Awards Show." No jokes. It's pretty fucking awesome. Kudos, Mr. Costas.

Al Michaels - Not being one of the broadcasters in "The Naked Gun : From the Files of Police Squad." Seriously, Dick Vitale and Tim McCarver weaseled their way in to one of the funniest movies of all time, and you couldn't? That does not bode well.

"BASEketballs" Appearance Leads You to Believe:

Bob Costas - Has nipples he'd like you to feel. Arrogant, self-righteous nipples.

Al Michaels - Was molested as a boy by his father. But that's nothing to get excited about! Let's keep the noise to a minimum people!

Thinks He Should Be Commissioner Of:

Bob Costas - Baseball. An aging white man holding on to decades of tradition? That doesn't exist in the MLB I know, buddy.

Al Michaels - The Republic of JeansSportsCoatDressShirtUnbuttonedVille. He's got my vote.

How I Degrade Their Multiple Emmy Wins:

Bob Costas - So? Joe Morgan has like four.

Al Michaels - So? Kiefer Sutherland has one.

Oh, look at you, you got smug all over you...ahem...anways...and the Smug Off champion is? You decide! (cop out) Let's hear your reasons, America.

The Hector Elizondo Name Game!

The most commonly occurring letters in Hector Elizondo's name (first and last name included)...



Hector Elizondo:

1. O - 3

2. E - 2

T-3. H - 1

C - 1

T - 1

R - 1

L - 1

I - 1

Z - 1

N - 1

D - 1

Happy Precedent's Day!

You may be asking yourself, "Why is there a federal holiday celebrating an act or instance that may be used as an example when dealing with subsequent similar instances?" To you people I say, "Go back to Bard College, pinkos!" Here in real America we celebrate, honor, and respect our Precedent's. Put down the huka, pick up some responsibility, and maybe then you'll understand. Enjoy the day.

A general observation...

I learn something new every 72-96 hours, and this morning I learned that driving home towards the Worcester 'Burbs on the MassPike at 8:30am is not nearly as invigorating or satisfying as driving to Houston to get Aerosmith tickets.

Not quite my top priority of the summer.